Hello, to you, my friend.

It’s 4 am, and I’ve had the inspiration to write my latest blog. I need to be up and ready at 7 am to get all my employees out to work. I’m not a fan of being up this early, and I usually sleep until 6 am. This morning I’ve been woken up by my son, who has been gaming till the early hours.

We have issues with Callum’s schooling because of Callum’s educational needs, and a lot of Callum’s social outlet is through the world of online gaming. I guess he finds he can be more himself with the safety barrier of talking through his headset as opposed to being there in person. Cal’ has social and communication difficulties.

It’s been a rough ride for him, but he is getting so much better with age. I’m sure he will be ok in life as it’s incredible how much he’s developing with his communication – he’s also a smart boy which will serve him well.

The reason for my blog today was to talk about silence and how it’s full of answers.

Being up at this time of day in the dead of night with only the early morning tweets of the birds to keep me company really can give you clarity.

Most of my waking day, I am bombarded with ‘stuff’. That stuff is a lot to do with working for myself, and generally, I have plenty of external noise coming in that I have to handle. It can be tough to stay centred and balanced when you have lots of noise coming in.

Yes – we could always be more organised. Yes – we could delegate more. Yes – we could probably sort things out, so the external stuff isn’t as overwhelming. One thing I find in my life working for myself is I don’t know what one day to the next will bring. It can be stressful with plenty of stuff coming at me, or it can be much more serene.

Over a week ago, one of my vans, that’s only two years old had to go back to the main dealer as it has some engine trouble. After ten days of diagnostics, Renault has declared that they believe foul play has happened with the fuel.

They have detected a small amount of water in the fuel, and this has lead to significant damage. Twelve thousand pounds worth of damage. Nearly as much as it is to buy a brand new van. After an internal investigation, Renault has washed their hands of this and said we are liable. I didn’t handle the situation too well.

Most of the time, I can remain calm (ish) and somewhat balanced, but when you know a company is wrong and there is no possible way what they are saying is true, it’s hard to keep it together, especially when your loyalty means very little as we own 6 of these vans.

When I got the phone call from them to say that it will be down to us to sort out and not covered by the warranty, I lost my temper.

I ended the call with “Fuck off” and tossed my phone across the table. Not the words and actions of a centered spiritual being, eh? Natalie said she hadn’t seen me like that for a long long time (Many years ago this was kind of normal, I had a real temper). I didn’t feel great after that call. I’d got myself so wound up that I could feel the pains across my shoulder blades. I had got myself so tensed up it was like I was set to fight the world – not good.

I know how I handled it was wrong, I know that being calm gives me clarity and space to think much more objectively, but at that moment, I got hijacked in anger. It was probably the controlling side of my ego that couldn’t handle the fact that it was out of my control. Well, that’s what my ego probably thought. But was it the truth? After realigning myself and giving myself the space and silence I needed, I felt much better.

The next day I decided that I would get the van picked up and take it to my regular garage for a second opinion. After speaking with a motoring trades body, it would seem that we have a case under “misrepresentation of sales goods act”. Either that or if our regular garages investigation provides us with a different outcome to Renault, then we have grounds to challenge their decision.

Regaining composure.

After 24 hours, I had another phone call from Renault. The customer service advisor that I’d swore and ranted at rang me to say that he was closing his investigation. As I was in a much more calmer state, I apologised for swearing at him – but calmly said I would be challenging his decision but will do it through the right channels to make sure we get the van fixed at their cost.

I thought to myself “Wow, this is real progress. To lose it as you did, but turn your attitude around as you have is great self-awareness” Ok, I’m not proud of being confrontational, but that is being human. We all make mistakes – and I’ve made probably more than most. Yesterday’s events just got the better of me.

Sitting here at as early as it is, with no noise other than the birds chirping and the sound of my fingers clicking away at the keyboard I would like to share with you why silence is full of answers. The reason is it doesn’t matter how bad things can get. How much your thoughts can hijack you, how much you lose your temper and how overwhelmed you can get in your life, once you can seat yourself back into the seat of awareness you will see how simple life can become.

Resolution won’t come from the loud, chatty thoughts – it will come in the subtlest of form. That could be an image in your mind’s eye, a small voice from deep within or an idea that pops up from the gentlest of vibration. Silence is most definitely full of answers if you listen. And I mean really listen. Because sometimes these subtle moments may go unnoticed if you don’t take them on board.

Silence for sure, is full of answers.

Till next time, take care.

All the best.

Steve.